Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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