I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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