You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
