we're blogging at a bar
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
