Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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