Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
