you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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