dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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