Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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