I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize