I think i peed on brittanys purse
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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