I wish my penis had an off switch
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
