Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
