So drunk its hurt
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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