I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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