he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
