He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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