Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
