The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
