i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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