I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
