I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
