We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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