I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
