He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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