It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
