FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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