sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
