Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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