Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize