Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I love having hate sex.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
