That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
