Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
