So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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