she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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