Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
