paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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