Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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