do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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