Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
