when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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