You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
