so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
