He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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