Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
