Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
