we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
