Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
