p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you win again, gameday.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
