so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
