the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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