It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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