Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize