Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I came so hard my ears popped.
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