Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You can't just leave with hair like that
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
my poor anus
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
