On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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