I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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