oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
