i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
