That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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