I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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