Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
