so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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