Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
