So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Randomize